101 Wednesday, #2

Remember that time I told y'all I would start doing 101 Wednesdays, but then didn't update for a reallllly (ridiculously, embarrassingly) long time? Yeah. I'm not really sorry, but I can pretend I am.

I was going to do it, but then I carried on living my life. 

Good news is that leading my life consisted of tackling a few things on my list. Specifically, I can report that I crossed off numbers 4, 19, 59, 78, and 92 and started on quite a few more. And here is my synopsis of living my life and crossing things off lists (which is my FAVORITE)....

Like smiling, only with lists

4) Pass Texas Bar Exam: I found out on 05/02/13 that I passed. I'd like to be all cool and say I was really reserved and totally expected to pass, but the truth was I was drunk because that was the only way my mother could tolerate me that day (thus she enabled my margarita habit) and that I nearly had a stroke in the backseat of my own car (she was driving, given my impaired condition) when I heard the joyous news. I got sworn in this Monday (05/13/13).

Pretty sure I did something akin to this in my car.
The spinning may have been because of margaritas, though. 

19) Participate in a 5K: a few weeks before I took the Texas Bar Exam, I was clearly experiencing a bout of dementia, and thus signed up to run in a local 5K benefiting the Lion's Club Camp (great cause, people). I then ran it THE WEEKEND AFTER MY BAR EXAM. I'm going to let that sink in for a second. To say this was ambitious was an understatement, especially given my tendency to hate running and life in general after such a harrowing event.

Then I went, and I won the damn thing. It was 3.35 miles long (a quarter mile longer than the 5K is supposed to be), and I ran it in 28:02, which means I actually ran faster than a 27 minute 5K, which has always been a goal I wanted to meet. I even got an award and everything. (Note: I won the entire woman's event, and that was partially because the fast awesome beasts of women were running the 10K and left me to my rookie 3.1 miles, but DAMMIT, I'LL TAKE MY AWARD AND MY CONGRATS AND THAT IS THAT.)

59) Drink the requisite 8 glasses of water every day for a week: I started trying to do this around the beginning of January, and around the end of March, I not only started doing it, but I made it a habit. I'm now drinking 8-10 (or more) glasses of water every day, and I'm glad I embarked upon one thing that may benefit my health in the long run.

Now if only I could break my horrible crack and list addictions...

78) Roast marshmallows around a campfire: my little brother was slated to have a sleepover for his 12th birthday, complete with marshmallows and ghost stories and all that. I made him adorable invitations to said event, which he went and distributed to his friends..including GIRLS. :) Imagine my mom's chagrin when one of the girl's moms texted her inquiring about the "co-ed sleepover"  (all in good fun). Long story short, everyone came over, a good time was had by all, and I ate those GINORMOUS marshmallows normally reserved for chubby bunny games at church lock-ins.

(Also, if you never played chubby bunny in a church lock-in, I don't particularly feel sorry for you, because it ruins your ability to enjoy marshmallows for a really long time while simultaneously making you unattractive to the opposite sex for however long it takes them to mindbleach your grotesque and contorted face from their memories.)

92) Meet up with at least one of my twitter friends in real life: while taking the Texas Bar Exam, I got to meet Zilly and Amby!!!! THIS WAS AWESOME. THEY ARE AWESOME. I lerve them. And I am now resolving to meet more of my twitter friends in real life. Kayla, YOU'RE NEXT.

(Amby and I went out for dinner the night before the exam, which calmed my nerves, and she gave me an adorable "bar exam gift bag" which was precious and awesome and DID I MENTION I LERVE HER? Zilly was kind enough to cart my ass down to the testing site and not strangle me when I got too annoying--because let's not lie, I'm annoying and those tests don't exactly bring out the best qualities in people.)

Welcome to the state of Perspective....

Went to another job interview this week. It's for a position that doesn't require a law degree, though I'm sure they use me for all of their lawyering needs at the price of a non-lawyer and without paying malpractice insurance, if given the chance.

I doubt they're going to hire me, although it's a shame, because they all seemed pretty fun. Do I sound more hopeful and less bitter about my lack of employment? HA. Don't let me fool you.

(Don't think I haven't considered working for a Wendy's franchise. Ain't too good for that.)

And if you think I'm joking about the latter description, then I beg of you to send me some job opportunities that don't want to pay me 30,000 per year while claiming me as an employee for their tax purposes while having me claim independent contractor status.

Otherwise, welcome to the lovely state of Perspective. I don't particularly admire its views.

Texas Bar Examination...The Final Chapter

I sat down to write this post while the news was still fresh, but had technical problems that forced me to abandon the blog for a bit (aka: my computer hates how I treat it and went on strike). As such, you're going to have to get my stale recollection of Thursday instead.

To start at the beginning: Texas Bar Exam results were slated to be released on 5/3/2013, but everyone told me they like to release a day early around lunch time.

Let's just say that on Thursday, I woke up in a tizzy and didn't get much more tolerable as the minutes (slowly) ticked by. I opened the bar exam page around 9:00 and started refreshing every twenty minutes or so while trying to keep myself busy in the meantime. I pace when I'm nervous, and sound more wheezy than normal (which, for an asthmatic, that's saying something)....I tend to hover around "hyperventilating" when I'm anticipating something.

Pretty much....

Needless to say, my mother wasn't amused. I somehow managed to not freak out until about eleven thirty, at which time I started clicking a lot more frequently. And after 12:00 rolled around and I didn't have scores, it commenced at ten second intervals. By 12:30, I was frantic. But results were still not forthcoming.

By that time, my mom had had enough. She loaded me up in the car and we headed to the nearest Mexican restaurant, where I promptly knocked back two margaritas (on the rocks, with light rocks...a GENIUS idea that makes you look like a true alcoholic) and FORGOT all about the bar examination.

Get your VITAMEATABAREXAM here!!!!!

It wasn't until my ride home, where I was literally laid across the back seat of the car (at 2:30 in the afternoon, which technically sounds early, but actually means that I had been waiting for three hours by this point) that I got a text from a friend with the link to the results and the words "Uh, I don't know..." that it all came flooding back to me. With as much trepidation as I could manage in my inebriated condition, I scrolled down through the results and LANDED ON MY NAME. My mom thought I was having a seizure in the backseat. I'm not exaggerating when I say I started kicking the roof and rolling around like a Pentecostal preacher at a revival. (I'll let you savor that picture for a moment.) After that, I took one of the most fulfilling naps I've ever had in my life. No lie. Because that's how I roll.

I'm now certified in two states, but unemployed. But still....LICENSED. I'd like to thank everyone for their support and congratulations, for putting up with me, and especially my boyfriend for not only having the faith to fund me on this endeavor, but for also giving up tons of fun time with me (snort) so that I could study and prepare. I have to say, I'm pretty damn proud of myself too, because I studied for this on my own, and honestly didn't think I'd have either the stamina or the dedication to actually pass the damn thing. Guess I can even prove myself wrong sometimes.

Congrats to everyone who passed, good luck to anyone who is taking it again (because, let's not lie, the TBE FRIGGIN SUCKED AND ANYONE CAN FORESEEABLY FAIL IT), and most of all:

(What? Like you're really surprised I used this gif? As if....)

Let's talk about the southern stereotype

I grew up in the south. The deep south. As in, there is no question that I'm living well below the Mason Dixon line. My dad subscribes to the Obama birther theory, and my family is funded by "Big Red" (aka: my dad works for a very well-known oil company). I originally hail from a town that stages a battle reenactment each year. I competed in beauty pageants, some of which required me to dress as a Southern belle.

No I was not a debutante. I earned my crowns with poise, talent,
and by prancing around on stage in a swimsuit,
not familial connections, thankyouverymuch.

Growing up, I took up for the underdog. I defended the "geeks," was ostracized by the cool kids, and used to go home crying due to wearing my heart on my sleeve (until my mom told me to tell them I would punch them in the face if they messed with me again. When I asked what if they kept on, she told me to go ahead and actually punch them in the face and that she would deal with the consequences).

And although I'm southern through and through, I'm also a registered Democrat, extremely pro-choice and pro-gay-everything, and am not particularly religious. I also try to keep my mouth shut, because God knows I don't appreciate it when people begin to espouse on their religious/political principles. It has taken me years to cull down my Facebook friends so I don't have to view Glen Beck nonsense. But sometimes they sneak through, and I cringe. Sometimes I just have to open my mouth and speak out against this ignorance.

Just to be clear: I'm speaking of the people that give all southerners a bad name. Do I own a gun? Yes. Would I shoot someone to defend myself? Hell yes. At the same time, I'm also capable of higher-level thinking. Just because I own a gun and believe I should be allowed to own a gun doesn't mean that the privilege of owning one suddenly becomes absolute. I fail to see how a background check will make it impossible to obtain a gun. It will hopefully just make it a little bit harder for criminals to obtain their guns, although (yes) they may end up with one anyways. But by no means does it prevent law-abiding citizens from getting their little grubby hands on a Ruger.

Another favorite I encounter quite a lot: anyone who thinks their state can opt out of federal legislation using the tenth amendment. Or, as I like to call them....idiots who are aware there is a Constitution, but who have not actually read it. Even better? Idiots who have read the Constitution but fail to acknowledge that there is a Supreme Court who expounds upon fundamental rights and other pesky interpretive viewpoints of this living body of law. Or that thinks the Supreme Court should just be done away with. These people exist. I swear.

And when there are attacks against the United States, these people come out in droves. Let me correct myself. When there are attacks against the United States by someone who doesn't look like them, they come out in droves. When there was the Aurora shooting, yes, they were sympathetic, but I mostly heard stuff like "If they had a concealed carry, they could have defended themselves, rabble rabble rabble." (You know, because I can TOTALLY see through smoke bombs to target the one person dressed all in black in a dark movie theatre to pick off.) In the wake of the Boston Marathon Massacre, I've heard everything from "he shouldn't have any rights" to "he should be classified as an enemy combatant" (never mind that we are NOT at war with his country and that he wasn't perpetuating an act of war on behalf of his country). I've also heard a lot of Islamaphobic rants about Muslims.

Let me be clear: this is not all southerners. However, these are the ones that appear on FoxNews talking about picking up their pitchforks and tar and feathers. These are the ones who drive around with a rebel flag painted on the back of their pickup trucks. These are the ones who CLING to their Second Amendment rights, but think it's perfectly okay to deny other United States citizens their due process rights just on the basis of their religion or skin color (for your personal knowledge, those are the rights guaranteed to you by the 14th and 5th Amendments). And it drives me nuts.

I'm tired of reading about my home state crafting a bill to allow gay people to be fired just for being gay. I'm tired of reading about the most recent state I lived in disallowing abortions past the time of basically 2 months, using faulty science and completely disregarding the fact that it is unconstitutional to do so. I'm tired of the endless rants on rights, but the hypocrisy demonstrated in lifting these rights from someone who isn't like you (e.g..: white, "middle classed", men, etc.).

Southerners, you need to do better. And for those of you who are southerners who don't ascribe to these qualities, you need to speak up. Educate others. I'm not saying pissing contests are desirable, but no one will ever alter their behavior if you refuse to speak up when someone uses the N word in your presence. Or if you won't address them when they start speaking about Islam while knowing nothing about it. Maybe it won't help, but maybe someone will learn something. And if nothing else, at least you can sleep at night.

But what the hell do I know? I'm just a Southerner. 

Hope for the future.

Most days I'm tongue in cheek and sarcastic on my blog. Tonight, though, I feel like writing for the sake of writing. Oftentimes I don't know what to write about, and I generally do not update my blog unless I have something specific to say, or a witty illustration to add. However, I see nothing wrong with the occasional update regarding the state of affairs of my life.

As of a couple of days ago, I'm studying for the patent exam. But I've already told y'all that. I'll learn of my results from the Texas Bar Exam in approximately 10 days. I'm also still actively looking for a job. I work out 5-6 days a week, and I'm eating like a starving wildebeest. Other than that, I'm just...existing. I had a great time going "away" for a few days with my boyfriend about a week ago. We saw a show, had a really nice dinner, and generally enjoyed each others' company.

Although I'm highly realistic regarding mostly everything in my life (swift kicks in the ovaries by life generally tends to strip away your sense of optimism and replace it with cold, hard realism), I still like to dream about what my life will one day be like. I like to imagine a house with a backyard. A front porch with a swing on it. Gardens and fresh herbs that I grow in them. A job that I actually enjoy arriving at each day. Home cooked meals each night. Being debt free.

I know this blog entry may shocking to many, because I'm rarely 100% open regarding my feelings and dreams, and even when I am, I tend to be extremely sardonic and self-deprecating about them. I wonder if this sometimes keeps me from landing the jobs I interview for, and wonder even more often if there is something specific about me that is causing me to be unemployable. I had another friend who was in this same boat and she recently landed a job, and I'm so happy and excited for her. And hopeful for me.

Even when it seems like I will never be able to achieve what I have set out to do, I strive to maintain that little flicker of hope within my heart. I tell myself that I rarely am presented with opportunities in a normal way--things normally happen in the most peculiar of instances in my life. I do believe that you have to make your own fate, but I'm not stupid enough to think that luck has no part in it. Many times, being in the right place at the exact right time with the exact right mix of people is everything.

At the same time, I have to wonder when this exact moment will come. Because I keep waiting. Anxiously. With bated breath. Hoping.

Maybe I needed to release these thoughts in the atmosphere (blogosphere?). And maybe this is just superstition, but maybe I need to express that hope. That desire for more. To everyone. I've begun to live my life day by day. I try to enjoy each opportunity, and give thanks for my good health, a beautiful day, my faithful dogs, or even getting out of bed in the morning.

I strive to be authentic at all times in my blog. Because if I can't be myself here, where can I be? And tonight, this is how I feel. Wary. Cautiously optimistic. But above all, hopeful.

First day back to the grindstone....Or, my foray into patent bar studies

I've officially begun studying for the Patent Bar Exam....cue the twilight zone music.

It basically consists of me taking all of my stuff to the local university library (which has the most RIDICULOUS hours I've ever heard of...I mean, not open on Saturdays? REALLY?!?!). When I get there, I have to pop in a CD that goes over each phase of the Patent Bar--there are 36 CDs...and I effectively waited long enough that I'm going to have to supplement it with ADDITIONAL information regarding the newly introduced "first to file" legislation that isn't part of my study program. ::womp womp::

The good news is that I'm through 2 of the 36 CDs. The bad news is that means I have 34 CDs left. However, unlike having 50 gazillion pounds of Barbri books to cart around (like I'm used to), here I have several sleeves of CDs, three (very thin) booklets, and a 1 inch 3 ring binder. If nothing else, my back will be a lot happier with this bar studying attempt.

I have to admit that it feels good to be studying for something and to have another goal. AND I'll be told as soon as I'm finished with the Patent Bar Exam whether I passed or failed. None of this "wait two months and see!" hullabaloo (also, FYI, Texas posts results in 15 days....pardon me while I go throw up).

Screw you Texas, I've already got an award...er, bar license.

Cue the good news

No, I still haven't found a job (yet...). However, my mom called me with some good news. Apparently, while out of the state, the US Patent and Trademark Office sent me something in the mail. And my mother, being the nosy helpful person she is, read it and called me immediately.

I've been deemed qualified to sit for the patent bar exam!!!!!!!!!!! :D

::commence the celebration!!!::

Except....this means I have approximately 60 days to learn ALL THE LAWS. 

And considering how many laws there are and the failure rate, this ain't gonna be pretty.

But still...apparently four....or five (?) (I'm not going back to check) tickets won't keep you from sitting for the patent bar.

Good to know.